


The Thunder of Wicked Hearts

by kerfuffle171



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Alternate Universe-Werewolves, Angst, Drug Abuse, Drugs, F/F, F/M, Gen, I will make notes at the beginning of the chapter, M/M, Neil Josten POV, Sensory Overload, Tags May Change, Violence, a retelling of tfc with vamps and wolves, basically werewolves and vamps and humans live in peace and harmony, but then it evolved, don't hate me my friend made me write this, i mean they're vamps and wolves ofc im gonna write about their senses, i'll give specific warnings at the beginning of each chapter, im too lazy to list them, lmao started as a twilight au, mentions of assault, mentions of self harm, or so you think, the rape warning is for Drake, the universe itself will reveal itself along the way, we'll figure out which character is what along the way
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-02 09:33:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11506614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kerfuffle171/pseuds/kerfuffle171
Summary: A retelling of the AFTG series ft. vampires, werewolves, and humans!Neil Josten, alone and on the run, is offered the chance of his lifetime--to play for a college Exy team and perhaps learn what it means to be free and living. Unfortunately for him, the Palmetto State Foxes are a mess of backgrounds and species, which drags Neil into its folds and test the very foundation of who Neil Josten is as a person. With the tragedy of his team, his intense distrust with everyone, and the secrets he harbors, Neil is now an unwitting pawn in a much larger game that tangles with his past, present, and future.*Canon divergence will occur in this series with characters, pairings, and dialogue. This is my interpretation of TFC with the addition of the alternate universe.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Nora Sakavic owns AFTG and all of these characters.
> 
> This is my first AFTG fic! And my first true multichapter fic! Oh my god what am I doing???
> 
> Warnings: language, references to past physical abuse, references to a panic attack, panic attack, sensory overload, Andrew being an asshole, Neil being an asshole, and Kevin being an asshole (ohh boy)
> 
> I hope you enjoy! Any feedback is welcome!

Neil Josten hated airports and there was nothing he could do about it.

The buzzing amounts of humans, vampires, and werewolves was an assault on his senses. Fangs flashed in laughter and frustration, some growls slipping through the cacophony. He wished for the hundredth time that he had headphones to stifle some of the noise, whether they played music or not. Neil tried to tune everything out as best he could. The only comfort he could draw was the sheer size of airports. So many hiding places, so many opportunities to assimilate into nothing a but a flicker of movement. Here, Neil was just another insignificant smudge of the thumb across the canvas of the universe. He was not a hunted man. He was not a Fox. He was not pretending to be anything other than an individual with a place to be.

Maneuvering the crowds with practiced ease, Neil headed towards the Arrivals gate. He ran his tongue over his teeth as he looked for the ride Wymack had promised him. It wasn’t hard to spot.

One of the twins stood there, dressed head to toe in black that Neil supposed was fashionable. Just looking at him made Neil hotter. He couldn’t tell if it was Andrew or Aaron from this far, but judging by the lack of the manic grin, he assumed it was Aaron.

He made his way over, realizing just how short the twins stood. He hadn’t been able to tell before since he had spent the majority of his time crumpled on the floor and spitting venom at Andrew.

Aaron pointed towards the “Baggage Claim” sign in lieu of greeting Neil.

“Just this,” Neil replied. The bag held his life and his secrets. It was small enough to be a carryon because he wasn’t about to risk the fucking TSA losing it. Aaron quirked an eyebrow at that, but didn’t say anything. He walked outside, but Neil lingered a moment, the thought of the brutal South Carolina sun making him grimace. Neil was glad he had stopped in the bathroom to slather himself with sunscreen.

When he went through the sliding doors, the mugginess of the afternoon sucked the life out of his skin. Neil already felt sticky with sweat and parched, and his baggy t-shirt clung to his whip-thin frame. He hurried to follow Aaron across the crosswalk, even though Aaron hadn’t stopped to wait for traffic or even, Neil noted, looked up. He was too busy wrestling for a cigarette and his lighter. The scream of hurriedly applied brakes and well-aimed curses made Neil wince. Too much noise, too much attention, too much everything. His instincts cried for him to run in a familiar voice, but Neil took a centering breath and shoved the internal noise away.

 _Later_ , Neil thought. _I can deal with that later. Just survive today._

When they reached the car, Aaron popped the trunk in a wordless command. Neil placed his duffel in it, taking a moment to wonder how a college kid had managed to get a car that oozed filthy rich arrogance.

Climbing in, Neil felt a twinge of annoyance that the air conditioning wasn’t on. _Fucking window isn’t even cracked. Jesus_.

Aaron continued smoking his cigarette, oblivious to the twitches running through Neil’s legs and the near tangible silence. Each inhale from the stick was soft and quiet, while each exhale was a noisy thing with wings, taking flight from Aaron’s lungs into the waiting air around him.

The acrid smoke threw Neil back into memories of his mother without preamble. The short curl of dark hair against the nape of her neck; the tightness of her lips when Neil did something wrong; the grim line of her smile becoming smaller and smaller throughout the years; the fist of her right hand crashing into his cheek; a beach reeking of gasoline and blood. Neil’s breath turned shaky, a shudder attacking his frame.

Aaron took notice of this, purposefully blowing a lungful of smoke in Neil’s face. “Neil Josten,” he said with it. “Here for the summer?”

“Yes.” Neil managed to say it without choking.

“Hmm, so that makes five of us with nothing better to do. Word is you’re staying with Coach.” Aaron cracked a window to let the smoke out and simultaneously cranked the air conditioning in the car, backing out of the spot with abandon for anyone nearby. Neil gripped the handle hanging from the ceiling, pressing himself into the smooth leather of the seat.

Neil could only guess at the fifth person tagging along for Neil’s summer of what was sure to be hell. It wasn’t hard to figure out. Where Andrew was, Kevin was. Neil didn’t have a clue what kept them locked together.

Eyeing Aaron, Neil asked, “Kevin stays on campus for the summer?”

Aaron snorted, scornful. “Where the court is, Kevin is. He can’t live without it.”

“Is it only the court Kevin stays for?”

Aaron stayed quiet, zipping out of the parking lot with the same apathy he had when walking across the street. Only when they were cruising down the road did Aaron bother to speak again.

“I heard you didn’t hit it off with Kevin.”

Neil thought back to the all-consuming panic that had overtaken his senses, rendering him full of instinctual fear and the need to run. If Kevin had remembered him, had asked the right questions, Neil would be dead and gone. No one could know. “No one bothered to warn me Kevin Day was going to be there. Maybe you’ll forgive me for not reacting well.”

“I won’t. I don’t believe in forgiveness, and it wasn’t me you offended. That’s the second time a recruit has told him to fuck off.” Aaron paused. “Both of you were human, so you really shit on his pride with that one. If it was possible to dent the arrogance of Mr. Alpha Wolf, his self-worth would be in shreds. Instead, he’s losing his faith in humanity. Sad.” Aaron sounded anything but.

Neil thought for a moment. “I’m sure Andrew had his reasons for refusing, same as me. I don’t think my humanity had anything to do with telling Kevin to fuck off.”

“True. More people should tell him. Maybe he’ll actually listen for once.”

Neil didn’t have anything to say to that. He watched the blur of movement outside of his window, screwing his eyes up against the glare of the sun. His contacts weren’t doing anything for the protection of his sensitive eyes and his sunglasses were buried in his duffel in the trunk.

After a minute in silence, Aaron spoke again. “You said you weren’t good enough to play with him. As a human, I agree. Do you really think a summer’s worth of training is going to make you good enough to take on others like Kevin?”

“No, but it was too hard to say no.”

Aaron glanced at him. “Coach always knows what to say with those werewolf instincts of his. But,” Aarons said with a tiny sigh, as if he was suffering, “it makes it harder on the rest of us—humans, vamps, and wolves included. Not even Millport should have let you on the team.” The words sounded like a parrot of something Aaron had heard. Neil easily guessed who had said them.

“Kevin really knows how to make a guy feel welcome, especially when he was the one that picked me.” Neil paused. “Millport was small. They had nothing to gain or lose by signing me. I was in the right place at the right time.”

“We’re trying to train him, but teaching an old dog new tricks…” Aaron wiggled his hand in an iffy gesture.

“I don’t want any part of that. Don’t count on me to help you deal with his ego,” Neil coolly replied.

“Do you believe in fate, Neil?” His name sounded like a test.

“No. Do you?”

“What about luck?”

Neil’s smile was an ugly thing, more a suggestion than actuality. “Just the bad kind. I’m human and being signed to the Foxes, right?”

“We’re flattered by your high opinion of us.”

“I’m still not helping you train Kevin.”

Aaron grunted and jerked the wheel of the car, gliding across a few lanes without a glance towards any of the mirrors. Horns sounded. Neil felt the edges of a headache latch onto the base of his skull along with a flicker of annoyance.

“It’s too nice of a car to wreck, you know.”

“If you’re that afraid to die you have no place on our court.”

“Exy is a sport, not a fucking deathmatch.” Neil knew the difference.

“You’ve seen the news, I assume?” Aaron asked. “People are more than willing to spill blood for Kevin Day.”

Neil knew what Aaron was referring to. Kevin’s attachment to the Edgar Allen Ravens, an all vampire, Class 1 Exy team known for their unbridled power and dominance on the court, was extremely unconventional with his werewolf status. The media backlash had been increasingly vicious, claiming Kevin’s involvement with the Ravens to be “weakness,” or a “degradation of a once proud school.” Fights had been common, along with riots seething with justifiable anger simply because Kevin was a wolf.

Over the years, Kevin had proved himself to be on par with, if not better, than many of the Ravens. He helped Riko Moriyama, captain of the Ravens, lead the team to victory after victory. After that, the fans turned in defense of Kevin, although many of them still preached about purity. Kevin was just an exception because Riko approved of Kevin’s presence on the team. Riko kept the rest of the team filled with his blue bloods, so there was nothing for the fans to truly complain about.

Neil grimaced at the thought of how bloodthirsty the media would be when Kevin started playing full games with the Foxes. They were far from the Ravens’ “pure” blood. Wymack had created to Foxes to offer second chances to rejects and criminals, meaning the ragtag mix of species left much to be desired. The media hated them before the shit hit the fan; now, with Kevin playing on the team, they were a disgrace.

Kevin Day, son of Exy, was now forsaken. Thrust from his favored position next to the closest thing college Exy had to a god, there was one question every station worth their salt was trying to figure out:

What could the Foxes offer Kevin that the Ravens couldn’t?

Neil couldn’t say the answer—the truthful answer—didn’t intrigue him as well. He wasn’t about to ask Aaron, though.

When they pulled up to Wymack’s apartment building, Aaron climbed out, popped the trunk, and waltzed inside, leaving Neil to gasp again in the heat and struggle to keep up.

In the lobby, Aaron, Andrew, Kevin, and the man Neil took to be Nicky were waiting for him. The twins were the same image, and Neil couldn’t tell which was which. Kevin was scowling, which made Neil scowl back. His headache was getting worse. Nicky zipped up to Neil faster than humanly possible, his fangs glinting in the light as he smiled. Neil shifted a little, pulling his duffel closer to his body.

“Hey,” Nicky said cheerily and held out a hand. “Welcome to sunny South Carolina. How was your flight?”

Shaking his hand, Neil replied, “Fine.”

“I’m Nicky, backliner and cousin to the twins.” He jerked his head towards them.

Neil raised an eyebrow at that. Where Nicky was dark, the twins were almost painfully fair. Nicky’s tight black curls were pulled into a bun, while the twins had short, pale blonde hair. Nicky was a vampire. The twins were human.

Vampirism was an exceedingly dominant trait that took generations upon generations to naturally weed out. Neil guessed that Nicky must have been turned.

Nicky hurried along to explain. “My dad was their mom’s brother. I take after my mother, a human my dad ‘rescued’ when he was on one of his mission trips.”

Neil couldn’t help the curiosity itching in his mind. “Do you always leave your fangs out?” All the vamps Neil had known kept their fangs tucked away, a weapon to demonstrate control and manipulation if played right.

With a squeak, Nicky slapped his hand over his mouth. One of the twins glared at Neil. The other looked bored. “Shit! They keep slipping out. It’s been a few years, but I still haven’t got the hang of it.” He concentrated for a moment, and when he next smiled at Neil, all of his teeth were the same dull length.

Kevin took a step forward and sneered, “Do you have a problem with vampires, Neil?”

Neil froze for a second, fear sparking and igniting over his skin. Then, his temper snapped to life, the tickle of his headache now throbbing. “No, Kevin, I don’t. The only thing I have a problem with is your goddamn attitude.”

Kevin opened his mouth to reprimand Neil, and Neil was already formulating how to do the most damage with the least amount of words. Nicky scooted into the conversation. “O-kay, okay! Let’s not start that before the newbie has even _put his bag down_ , Kevin! Neil, Coach had to run to the court to deal with some paperwork. He left us with the keys so we could help you move in. Are the rest of your bags in the trunk?”

“Just this,” Neil replied, still staring at Kevin. The look Kevin had on his face was supposed to be intimidating, but Neil had met monsters. Neil had lived with them. Neil had run from them. Kevin “holier-than-thou” Day—entitled, arrogant, demanding—didn’t scare Neil, not even when his eyes, already a brilliant green, flashed even brighter with the wolf lurking beneath his dark skin.

“I wish I could pack that light,” Nicky said. He sighed dramatically. “I’m too materialistic for my own good.”

Aaron, at least Neil hoped it was Aaron, scoffed at that. “Materialistic is just the start with you, Nicky.” Nicky just shot Aaron a crooked grin that made his brown eyes light up with fondness.

“Says one of the twins that own that expensive ass car. Seriously, guys, this is why we have to couch-surf in Wymack’s nice apartment.”

“Aaron’s mother bought that car for us with her life-insurance money,” Andrew said. “It’s no surprise she had to die to be useful to anyone.”

“Easy, easy,” Nicky murmured, his face serious, his eyes locked on Aaron.

Andrew’s apathetic shrug said enough. “Why bother? It’s a cruel world we live in, right Neil? You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t.”

“It’s not the world that’s cruel,” Neil said, locking his gaze with Andrew’s. “It’s the people in it.”

“Oh, so true.”

Kevin grunted and jerked his head in command to get in the elevator. The silence within was sticky with tension. Neil remained perfectly still, unwilling to betray his fear at being so far from an easy escape route. Another motive lurked beneath the instinct pounded into him with blades and too many times jumping out of windows. He was sure that if he made the wrong move, this group would devour him whole. And relish the experience.

It took Aaron a minute to find the key. Neil stared at him, noting the flat pockets of his black pants that should have been holding a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Confusion thickened his headache, and he swallowed, dehydration and nerves leaving him parched.

Nicky swept a hand towards the open doorway, but the words he spoke were muffled to Neil’s ears. Panic crushed itself into a tight ball under his breastbone, a knot that left Neil breathless with fear. He knew. Neil knew long before he would be staying with Wymack, with an older man and werewolf, and yet here he was, wishing he was flying far, far away from the gaping rooms in front of him. Every move Coach made would put Neil on a razor’s edge, poised for flight. Neil had put himself in a goddamn cage and threw away the key. Why, why, _why_ had Neil done such a thing, after all the shit he’s gone through?

His mother’s voice slithered its way into his mind. Phantom fingers with savagely bitten nails gripped the roots of his hair, and Neil was losing it.

The breath Neil took was a jagged, distorted thing, the kind of breath that proceeded being underwater too long. Wymack was not his father—not his mother—

Not a monster.

This whole situation was going to be uncomfortable, and Neil’s deception would be at risk with Coach in close proximity, but Neil didn’t have a choice. The contract was signed. His soul was damned. He was a dead man walking with the weight of his life wrapped around his ankles and wrists, shackled around his throat.

Neil took a deep breath, his eyes locked on the rooms ahead. The other were frowning at him, he knew. But Neil didn’t know what to think, except that he was here—god, he was _here_ —and he was going to die with the taste of freedom bursting across his tongue, the most divine fruit to be had by human, vampire, or werewolf. Denied every tormented minute of his life, Neil was desperate for it, for Exy’s bitter sweetness and the liberation that came with the clash of racquets, the drone of the buzzer, and the single unit of the fans, reacting to every moment of athletic ecstasy given on the court.

Neil passed through the threshold.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil meets his new home for the summer and is threatened by pretty much everyone. What else is new?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picks up right where the previous chapter left off. This one focuses more on establishing the group dynamic of the monsters and how their species influence how they act. I'm trying to subtly set up the universe but meh. It will come along in time. I don't want to info dump on you guys :/ (but if you have specific questions feel free to throw them in the comments and I'll respond).
> 
> Warnings: Andrew being an asshole, Aaron being an asshole, Kevin looking constipated because he's Kevin, Neil being judgey and a smartass, Wymack is a scary werewolf, Nicky is an instigator (nothing really triggering in this chapter but if there is, let me know and i'll edit this!)

Wymack’s apartment was not what Neil had been expecting. The money Coach made was not obvious in the disaster zone of the living room, in which every available space was clustered with empty coffee mugs, old tapes of games, and papers. The couch that Neil was to occupy looked less appealing than the floor, and Neil barely suppressed a grimace of distaste. It wasn’t like he had never slept in a filthy place before; on the contrary, he’d stayed in hovels and cardboard boxes, and comparatively, Coach’s place was the Taj Ma-fucking-Hal. Dirty places just weren’t his favorite.

Behind him, Nicky asked, “What the hell was that?”

Neil froze up at the use of the German language. His thoughts scattered into a million different directions. Memories flooded back full of smoke and blood on the back of his tongue, a heady cocktail that made Neil drunk with panic.

Aaron answered behind him. “Maybe he was just savoring the moment.”

  
_They don’t know_. The tension melted out of Neil, allowing him to continue his cursory perusal of the living room. He was no longer paying real attention to it, though. _Safe_ , Neil thought. _For now, I’m safe_.

“I doubt that,” Nicky said, voice tight. “That was pure fight or flight. What the hell did you say to the poor kid, Andrew?”

Neil half turned, catching Nicky staring at him with a little bit of fear on his face before a smile overtook it. Nicky started chattering about Coach and his apartment under the guise of giving a tour, but Neil could sense the eyes on him.

Neil followed the others to the kitchen. Nicky had the decency to look apologetic as he gestured around, pointing out where the coffee pot was. Andrew and Aaron looked bored, while Kevin had his eyes stuck to Neil, apparently trying to project his thoughts into Neil’s head. It wasn’t working, because Neil had no idea what the constipated look on his face meant. “It’s been a while since Coach cleaned, I guess. It’s not usually this messy. You could say he’s been under a lot of pressure with the higher ups in the ERC and at the college,” Nicky supplied. “He said he was going to pick up before you came, but…”

“I’m fine,” Neil said.

Nicky looked away and continued the tour. There wasn’t much else to see, but Nicky insisted when Neil tried to object. Kevin and Andrew, bored, went off to do whatever while Aaron lingered with Nicky and Neil. The constipated look was still on Kevin’s face when he left.

Coach’s office was an even bigger hazard than the living room. Every inch of space was covered in papers or books, although Neil didn’t care much to read what everything was. He’d probably already read them, anyway. What really interested Neil was the file in the middle of the mess on Coach’s desk with his name on it. He couldn’t help but wonder what was in it besides all the phony information he’d given Millport and Coach Hernandez. Whatever it had been, combined with the tape of his Neil playing, was what had clued Kevin into the person that was Neil Josten, and a handful of months later, here Neil was, playing with the Foxes, not on the run.

“We have a few hours before we have to be at Abby’s for dinner.” At Neil’s confused look, Nicky added, “Abby is the team nurse. I’m thinking we should take you to the court so you can gawk it out before heading over. With you here, we’ve got the perfect number for scrimmages. Kevin’s probably pissing on the floor like a chihuahua he’s so happy.”

Neil raised an eyebrow. “I’m not cleaning that up.”

Nicky scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“Kevin doesn’t do happy, Nicky. You know that,” Aaron said. “But, Exy is his life, and since you’re here, there isn’t anyone who wants you on that court more than he does, even if you’re just a human.” The apathy in his voice seemed sincere, but something clicked in Neil’s head.

“It must be difficult playing with him,” Neil said carefully. “You know, since he’s a champion.”

“If he’s anything on the court like he is an assistant coach we’re all getting ripped a new asshole,” Nicky said cheerfully. “You’re going to have the worst year of your life, Neil. Don’t worry, though. Kevin’s worth it.”

“Is he? Worth it, I mean. Even with all the fights,” Neil replied. “Like that one two weeks ago that Aaron said got way out of hand. How many people were injured in that again?”

Aaron answered after a moment, but Neil barely heard it.

So.

Andrew was the one who picked him up from the airport. Neil wanted to smile as the pieces of the invisible game fell into play. He ran his tongue over his teeth. To Andrew, he would show that any shit he tried to pull with Neil wouldn’t work. If they wanted to play games, fine. Neil was more than willing to join in—but he was not about to lose because a bunch of children decide they want to try to cow Neil into submission. Deception was Neil’s blood and breath and soul. He wanted to see them give it their best shot and then spit it back in their faces.

Andrew was a bigger concern for the moment, though Neil relished the moment of awareness he would rip open. There was a reason Andrew was usually medicated and, subsequently, manic; he’d nearly killed four men—one of them a vamp—for attacking Nicky. Neil guessed that night had been the one when Nicky turned, although it was kept out of news reports. However, to save Andrew’s ass from prison, his lawyers made a deal with therapy, counseling, and medication. The medication left him in a constant manic state, one topic that was regularly covered by sports news because of how it changed Andrew’s playing and court interactions with the media and other teams. It didn’t help that the drama surrounding Kevin Day would put Andrew, Kevin’s shadow, in the spotlight as well.

As if he’d been called, Andrew appeared in the doorway with a bottle of whiskey. “Sweet success,” he said. Ignoring it, Neil focused on Andrew’s pocket—the front right one. The hard pack of Marlboro’s was easy to pick out. It was the last piece of evidence he needed.

“Neil?” Nicky asked. “We should probably beat it before Coach shows up.”

“Is this a robbery in progress?” Neil asked.

“Maybe,” Andrew replied, flipping the bottle with an easy toss of his hand. “Are you going to rat us out to Coach? So much for being a team player, little human.”

Neil folded his arms over his chest. “Says the other little human,” he sneered.

“Oh, my bad. Is that a sore spot for you? Does it hurt to be reminded you’ll never be as good as a wolf or a vamp?” Andrew sounded entertained by the notion.

“The only sore spot I have right now is the fact that you’re not medicated.”

Silence.

Neil’s ragged heart beat a slow, grim rhythm.

Only Andrew seemed to be unsurprised. Even Kevin lost the constipated look on his face to make way for astonishment. Their surety in their game was the best thing for Neil to shred, the part he took a moment to savor. “Holy shit,” Nicky said in German. “Did that just happen?”

“I’d prefer an explanation in English,” Neil said.

“Throwing around demands now, Neil? You’re not going to make any friends here with that kind of attitude. I didn’t lie to you.”

“I’m not here to make friends. Besides, omission is the easiest way to lie,” Neil shot back. “You could have corrected me in the car.”

“Should have, would have, could have,” Andrew replied with a dismissive wave of his hand. “No point dwelling on what we can’t change. Figure it out for yourself.”

“I already did,” Neil said, anger and victory gripping his spine with teeth and claws. He reached up and tapped two fingers to his temple. “Better luck next time.” Nicky's face lost its color.

“Ooh, Neil,” Andrew said, and now he sounded dangerously amused by everything. Neil didn’t back down when Andrew inched closer, peering into Neil’s face. “You might be more interesting than I thought. We’ll see how long. The amusement will fade eventually. It always does with things like you.”

Neil didn’t want to know what kind of “thing” he was to Andrew, and he really didn’t want to know on whose side the amusement would be fading. The ambiguity of it had Neil on high alert. “Back off,” he growled.

“Or you’ll do what, newbie?” Andrew hissed back, his face only inches away from Neil’s.

The sound of the door opening made Andrew slither back, close to Kevin. The bottle of whiskey disappeared between them. The broken smile Neil knew belonged to the drugs Andrew was on took center position on his face. Neil huffed, just loud enough for Andrew to hear before turning to meet Wymack.

“Hi there, Coach!” Andrew called, lifting one arm high over his head and giving a mocking wave.

“Do you know how much I hate coming home to find you in my apartment, you little shit?”

“Coach, now you’re just being rude. Remember to mind your manners.”

Wymack came around the corner and saw all of them in the hall. He stared hard at Andrew, who lifted his hands in an entirely innocent gesture that Neil saw Wymack didn’t believe. “I promise I didn’t break anything this time,” Andrew said. “Scout’s honor.”

“You were never a scout, Andrew.” Wymack just sounded tired.

“Let me dream, Coach. Let me dream.”

Wymack finally pulled his attention to Neil. “Glad to see you’re still alive, Neil. If Nicky’s driving didn’t kill you, I was sure the others would have ripped you apart by now." He didn’t sound like he was joking.

The others were watching Neil, waiting to see who’s side he would take. “I’ve survived worse,” Neil said. It was directed at more than just Nicky’s driving and everyone in the room knew it.

Andrew’s stare was a deadly thing as it drove itself into Neil’s chest.

“I swear, every vamp I know has the worst driving. You all shouldn’t be allowed to drive,” Wymack reprimanded, waggling his finger at Nicky, who scoffed.

“C’mon, Coach. Don’t stereotype. That’s so not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair,” Wymack shot back. “By the way, what the hell are you all still doing here?”

“Leaving,” Andrew said. “Is Neil coming, too?”

Wymack squinted at all of them with suspicion. “Where are you going?”

“The court,” Kevin said. He didn’t have that ugly look on his face.

“We’ll give him a ride to Abby’s later. You didn’t need him for anything, did you?” Aaron asked. It sounded like Neil was more of a possession than a person from the tone of Aaron’s voice.

“Just to give him this.” Neil instinctively caught the keyring Wymack threw. “Kevin will show you what door each of those open at the court.” The keys on it felt like a gift and a test for him, but the way the ridges bit into his palms when he squeezed them was grounding. He could get onto the court with these. He could play on a court with these any time he wanted.

“Thank you,” Neil said.

“Coach, what the hell?” Andrew said, sounding insulted. “The newbie gets a set of keys but I don’t? Blatant favoritism.”

Wymack rolled his eyes. “If I thought you would ever willingly step onto the court, maybe you’d get a set of your own. Since I don’t see that happening in this lifetime or the next, your punk ass can share with Kevin, okay? Okay. That’s settled.”

“Joy, joy!” Andrew exclaimed. “Sharing toys with the dog? Sounds great, Coach. Can you tell I’m excited? I’m wearing my excited face.” Wymack didn’t bother to look at Andrew’s expression, which oozed animosity by way of a smile that was more of a snarl.

Instead, he said, “Are you leaving or not? I’m sick of looking at your ugly mugs already.”

Kevin, Andrew, and Aaron left, but Wymack stopped Nicky and Neil. He leveled an intense look at Nicky. Wymack’s normal brown eyes flashed yellow in a show of power. When he spoke, the tips of his canines were visible, and his voice rumbled from deep in his chest, like two boulders smashing against each other. “Don’t you dare traumatize him.”

Neil shrank back a few steps from Wymack, instinctive fear of older men keeping him out of Wymack’s easy reach.

Nicky looked offended, and his own fangs had slipped out at the threat of Wymack’s power, whether he realized it or not. “Neil’s not traumatized, right?” Nicky said, turning to look at him.

“Not yet,” Neil said.

This answer did little to assuage Wymack’s power or intense stare. He gestured at the door. “Nicky, why are you still here? Get the fuck out. I need to talk to Neil for a second.”

“Coach! I’m telling Abby you’re being rude again.”

“Nicky. Out. _Now_.”

With a little noise of offense, Nicky sauntered away, slapping Neil on the back as he passed. “Good luck with that one! Guess the Big Bad Wolf is having a Big Bad Day.”

A tissue box went flying across the room, nearly pegging Nicky in the back of the head. Nicky laughed as he ran out of the room.

“Bunch of damn fools,” Wymack growled, watching the door. His power still leaking into the air of the room, making Neil edge away. He didn’t know what he’d done wrong, but Wymack was pissed. Past experience had his skin skittering with fear.

“Now,” he said, sighing a bit. The power flagged. “Are there any questions you have for me?”

Neil shook his head, keeping his eyes on the floor. He twisted his fist into the strap of his duffel—

“Um, is there someplace safe I can store this?” The thought of leaving it in the living room made his mother’s voice come crashing down on Neil, screaming about safety. Neil didn’t trust Andrew’s group or Wymack enough to just leave it; not with what was hidden in it. Neil couldn’t risk it. “It’s all I have,” Neil added, his voice choked for effect.

“How safe is safe?” Wymack asked. Neil shrugged, unsure. “Okay, then.” Wymack sat behind his desk and emptied one of the drawers at the bottom, fat files leaking their contents onto the floor. He gestured Neil over and made him stuff the duffel in the drawer, although it barely fit. Wymack locked it and handed Neil the key to put on his keyring. “This’ll have to do for now until we figure out a more permanent solution. As far as I know, none of them know how to pick a lock, but I usually keep my office locked anyway.”

Neil waited for the questions, the accusation, anything, but Wymack just shooed him out of the office. “Move along, newbie, before they decide to gut you for making them wait.”

Obeying, Neil stopped in the kitchen to grab a bottle of water out of the fridge before meeting Andrew’s group by the elevators. Andrew made Kevin hold the doors while everyone got in, which made the constipated look come back. It wasn’t directed at Neil this time, for which he was glad. His patience was wearing thin.

As soon as the doors closed, Kevin’s power engulfed the elevator. That barely bothered Neil, who turned slightly to stare him down. Kevin’s eyes were alight with green fire, his pupils contracted to vertical slits. Neil didn’t like the threat in that gaze or the claws peeking over Kevin’s crossed forearms.

Neil’s attention wavered when Andrew stepped up, forcing Neil to turn fully to see him. Andrew inched forward, the grin fallen from his face and buried away, an intense awareness replacing it behind dark eyes. Neil’s legs itched to run.

When Neil’s back hit the elevator doors, he knew he was in trouble.

The others were watching, Kevin’s power trying to keep Neil frozen while Andrew attempted to throw his intimidation over Neil and make him fearful of the entire group. The unvoiced menace in Andrew’s shoulders and face was a sight to behold, along with the stony expressions of Nicky and Aaron. “Neil Josten,” Andrew said, inches away. “Here for the summer, hmm? It’s been nice chatting with you, but it will be a while before we meet again. Try not to miss me.”

“Somehow, I don’t think I’m that lucky,” Neil replied dryly.

The sigh Andrew let out was long and sad. “Our next meeting will have to wait until June. Abby said if we break you too soon our stadium rights would be revoked. Then, Kevin would cry and we would have a major problem, you and I.” Andrew gestured between himself and Neil. “Instead, we’ll have to wait to properly throw you a welcome party you will never forget. Abby will be too busy chasing the other Foxes.”

“Looking forward to it. Little bit of advice, too; you might want to work on your persuasion techniques. They suck,” Neil said with a small movement of his hand.

Andrew bared his teeth. “Life lesson, newbie: I don’t need to work on my persuasion because you’ll learn to do exactly what I say when I say it.”

Neil wanted to smile. He ran his tongue over his teeth. “We’ll see.”

“We will, won’t we?” The elevator door dinged open. “Goodbye. I’ll come back to make your world a little wider eventually.”

Neil refrained from the comment that boiled in his throat, but a little scoff escaped him. Andrew shoved past him along with the others, leaving Neil to collect his wits and prepare for whatever awaited him for the summer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was fun  
> Next chapter is going to be different and will involve a timeskip bc going chapter by chapter is agonizing and unnecessary. We'll see where it lands. Let me know what you think, and I hope you guys enjoy!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil's summer passes and Andrew makes a formal return for a night out in Columbia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more of a prelude to the scenes at Eden's Twilight, but the chapter ended up being waaaaaaay too long for me to post. So, I broke it up. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Warnings: mentions of drugs, usage of drugs, mentions of withdrawls, overstimulation of taste, Nicky being suggestive (like in canon), Neil looking pretty in all black b/c let's be honest my boy is a model, Andrew threatening people (i.e. Nicky and Neil), and Andrew being an asshole (what else is new).

Neil didn’t know what it felt like to be in love. He thought it might be something like what he felt for the Foxhole Court. The absurdly large court painted in white and orange made his eyeballs hurt, but it only added to its charm for Neil. This court gave him freedom, however limited it might be, and a purpose. Neil didn’t need to hide his bald adoration or frustration for the game. He looked forward to his morning run, his gym training, his court drills, everything; he didn’t want to stop when everyone else did. Neil had never considered himself greedy, but with thoughts of his deadline and how impermanent this situation was, he found himself aching for anything he could get his hands on.

His world became stable, predictable. The small tears weren’t enough to take away his joy for Exy, his satisfaction with every fluid movement of his body. Neil’s deception stayed solid, real for his coach and team.

The Ravens announced their move into the same division as the Foxes.

The tear was a gaping hole.

Neil’s fear was hot and fast, a cruel companion to Kevin’s breakdown. Riko Moriyama hung above them, waiting to fall and take Neil Josten away from what he wanted, to crush Kevin Day and reclaim what belonged, in Riko’s mind, to him and him alone.

Then, Neil had a physical, and the upperclassmen arrived. It was a whammy of epic proportions, leaving Neil reeling for solidity he foolishly thought he had.

The physical was a terrible thing. Neil’s façade, the entire character of “Neil,” was at risk, and he didn’t know how to get out of it. That fear had his heart pounding the entire time, for which he was grateful. Abby checked his heartrate and blood pressure, his eyesight and hearing, his reflexes, and his urine for drugs, which she checked in front of him with a test strip. Unfortunately, she also checked him for track marks.

Her face was burned into his memory: the abject horror, the fear for Neil, the understanding, the pity. It was the pity most of all that made Neil feel ashamed of himself and the scars that ripped across his pale skin. They were violent and ugly, but they were his none the less. They were maps of survival and lessons learned. Abby’s pity made him snap, made him hate, made him want to rage that he was not what she thought.

The meeting with the upperclassmen didn’t go much better, and Andrew’s promise of a Friday night out with only his group left Neil extremely cautious after the promise Andrew left him earlier in the summer. Not to mention the exhaustion dragging with clawed fingers at every bone and muscle in his body. Neil was working overtime to catch up with the rest of the Foxes and prove that he was worth being signed. His speed was a divine thing, but pretty much every other aspect Kevin wanted to improve on.

By Friday, Neil was a wreck of nerves and suffocation. Nicky waited for him after practice and Neil’s shower time with a black gift bag that should have been unassuming. Instead, Neil eyed it like it was a living thing ready to pounce.

“Neil,” Nicky greeted, smile tired but happy. “Congrats on surviving your first full week with the Foxes. It’s fun, right?”

Neil knew it was a joke. He nodded anyway.

Nicky’s eyes widened. “Oh, no. No no. Please tell me you’re not so fucked in the head that this week was actually fun to you?”

Neil shook his head. “Is it like this all the time?”

“Pretty much,” Nicky said, looking relived. “At least it’s never dull around here. I would probably die if it was.” Nicky paused, waiting for Neil to agree. Neil stared. “Aaaaanyway, I hope you’re ready for tonight. I’m excited for you to come out with us. You’ll love Columbia and we know all the good places…”

He babbled on. Neil largely tuned this out as he got ready to head back to the dorm until the chatter cut off and Nicky was suddenly behind Neil, standing in his space with hands that Neil couldn’t see and intentions Neil didn’t know. He whirled, hands up to fight, defend—

The black bag was shoved at Neil. He struggled not to drop it as his instincts fought with what his eyes were seeing. Nicky backed off quickly, eyes wide and fangs out in fear. Neil put one hand over his mouth, not trusting himself to speak.

He peered in the bag and saw only neatly folded black fabric. His sharp gaze went immediately back to Nicky, demanding answers. “Wear that tonight. Andrew said you ‘dress like an idiot who I wouldn’t be caught dead with in public,’ and I have to agree. Your wardrobe is…severely lacking for such a pretty human face. Trust me, though. The outfit is awesome.”

Neil struggled to keep up with what this meant, but his mind couldn’t get past the idea of a being given a gift. Correction: being given a gift from Andrew.

“Also, lose the brown color contacts. Andrew hates them.”

Neil stared.

Nicky made an exasperated noise. “Yes, Neil, we all know you wear contacts. Anyone with a pair of eyes can tell they’re there, especially vampires and werewolves. Jesus, you know you can be kinda dense sometimes? Please take them out for tonight.”

“Or what, Nicky? Andrew rips my eyeballs out of my head?”

Nicky made a painful noise but didn’t answer the question, which made Neil want to laugh and shudder at the same time. What was Andrew Minyard? And more importantly, how would Neil survive the night?

***

The clothes were what Neil supposed was fashionable, but he had an immediate distaste for them. He wore black everything, and the only thing he liked was the pair of black boots that added an inch to his height. The imagined damage to someone’s face also made Neil feel safer, more grounded. Giving up one truth tonight would send Neil reeling for a week at least, the rest of his limited lifespan at the most, and the familiar motions of assessing escape routes and possibilities kept his worrisome mind occupied.

When he met Andrew’s group around nine, he bore their appraising looks in silence, forced apathy on his face. Neil wanted to look away, to hide his contact-less eyes and the secrets they held. He really wanted to avoid Kevin, an abominable feeling in his gut making Neil believe if Kevin saw his eyes, he would know exactly who Neil Josten was. Neil’s father was a known man to Kevin, the kind of person to leave an impression on every individual he met. Neil was sure Kevin remembered.

However, Kevin just frowned at Neil for a moment before getting in Andrew’s sleek car. Aaron looked a little curious, but ultimately uncaring about Neil’s revelation. Andrew walked forward a few steps, his face lacking any expression. He grabbed Neil’s chin and moved his head around to look at the startling blue. Nothing changed on his face.  
“Our resident liar is trying a new look tonight. Is there any reason for this, or are you just trying to impress me?”

“Nicky asked nicely. You might want to try it next time. It might work better than threatening everyone you meet.” Neil didn’t offer more, especially with the psychedelic swirl of emotions rolling just beneath the thin veneer of who Neil Josten was. Neil would say something he shouldn’t, and then he would be a true dead man, instead of one that was just walking around pretending at living.

“We talked about this last time we met, Neil. I don’t ask.”

“And you complained about trying to teach Kevin new tricks.”

Andrew’s eyes darted over Neil once more before he let go of Neil’s chin and took a few steps back. He lit a cigarette from a pack of Marlboro Reds. 

Nicky stepped forward, his expression lighting up in happiness. “Oh man, Neil, you dress up good. Like, really good. Aaron, make sure I don’t get too drunk tonight.”

Neil didn’t like that. He’d had conversations with Nicky before about the comments and prodding into his sexuality, but that seemed to have flown out the window. Until, that is, Andrew stepped into Nicky’s space.

He waved the lit cigarette towards Nicky, the hot cherry nearly searing his neck. “Nicky, don’t make me kill you for putting your hands where they aren’t wanted.” Neil remembered that Andrew had nearly killed a vampire—would have, if the police hadn’t shown up—and didn’t doubt that Andrew was every inch the threat he looked like. Vamps were not easy to kill. Silver could cut and maim, and a severe enough physical trauma could do it, but beheading and burning was the preferred method.

“I know, I know.” Nicky’s hands were up as he backtracked. “Please, Andrew, I know—”

“Do you? You know I hate that word, Nicky, yet here you are using it. That isn’t helping your case,” Andrew said, not following, just watching.

“I do. I do know that. I’ll be good tonight.”

Andrew nodded and turned towards the car. Neil dutifully followed, ending up in the middle with a twin on either side of him. He didn’t know what to do with himself, but both of the twins slept on the way to Columbia, leaving Neil to overturn every word, every look, every opportunity for escape, and every possibility for the night ahead.

***

When they finally arrived at a restaurant called Sweetie’s, Neil was desperate for movement and fresh air. Andrew had elbowed the shit out of Neil’s diaphragm after Aaron woke him with a touch on the shoulder. Neil made a massive mental note not to wake Andrew with a physical touch or be within reach of his arms when he woke. He also wanted to figure out how to cram that much strength into his own arms.

Their waiter didn’t linger by the table, taking their order and disappearing with barely a word. Nicky watched Andrew with concern, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out why. Andrew’s hands were shaking and he looked extremely pale under the low lights of the restaurant. He watched his body shiver with a sickly expression, as if Andrew wasn’t quite in his body.

Kevin quietly put an orange pill bottle between himself and Andrew. “Just take it.”

“Fuck you, Kevin,” Andrew grit out between clenched teeth.

“Andrew—” Whatever Kevin was about to say wouldn’t make it out. Neil didn’t have to look to know a knife was out of its sheath and pressed against Kevin’s belly. Neil knew what was keeping Kevin glued to Andrew, but he still couldn’t understand it. If anything, the medication made Andrew a liability in Neil’s cold mind, but Kevin’s faith was unwavering in the tiny, vicious human that was Andrew Minyard. As a powerful werewolf, Kevin had very little to fear. Neil didn’t blame him for being shit-faced terrified of Riko Moriyama because Riko held a portion of Neil’s fear as well, but it was different to Kevin’s loyalty issues and disobedience. Neil was only starting to understand why Kevin might fear Andrew.

The waiter reappeared and set down bowls of ice cream and a large pile of napkins, which Andrew immediately snatched at, his annoyance with Kevin forgotten. Packets of pale yellow powder were not what Neil had been expecting, but then again, nothing in Neil’s life was usually expected. Andrew dumped a few packets in his mouth without waiting, his desperation leaking through the cracks. He nearly puked it back up based on the sound Neil heard, but no one at the table commented on it.

“You should really try the ice cream, Neil,” Nicky said, pointing with his spoon. “It’s great here.”

Neil really wasn’t a fan of sweets, but he ate a few bites anyway. The cold bothered him. It set his teeth on edge in a way that made him grimace. He didn't know how Nicky and Kevin did it. They had sensitive mouths but Nicky ate with gusto while Kevin picked and made faces at Andrew's monstrosity of sweets piled high. Luckily, no one at the table noticed Neil's reluctance, too busy with ice cream and planning the night.

When Andrew finished his mountain of ice cream, everyone got up to leave whether they were finished or not. Neil begged off to use the bathroom before they left, and Andrew lingered by door, waiting.

In the bathroom, Neil took a small pill from his pocket and swallowed it before flushing his mouth out with lukewarm tap water. The cold from the ice cream lingered, making his teeth sing with wrongness. Besides taking the pill, Neil needed to reassure himself that his truth was still safely tucked behind his heart. He tugged at the roots of his hair, checking to see if they needed to be dyed. He poked at his skin, pinching and pressing until a flush of red appeared. He laid a hand over his chest and felt the regular flutter of his heartbeat. He ran his tongue over his teeth and breathed deeply. In and out—in and out—in and out—

The door slammed open from a vicious kick. “Let’s hurry the fuck up, Neil. My patience is wearing thin with the weight of all your problems, normal bodily functions included.” Andrew stopped, staring hard at Neil, who looked back from the mirror. “Oh, now isn’t that a look. What’s wrong, Neil? Are you scared?”

“Of you? No.” Neil didn’t know if it was truth or lie. This seemed to delight Andrew as much as possible in his sober-not-sober state.

“Big words from a little boy.”

Neil shot Andrew a look. Andrew conceded, “Okay, okay. So, who are you afraid of, Neil?”

A list popped up in Neil’s head, endless and growing. Aloud, he said, “The Boogey Man.”

Andrew just looked at Neil, his expression suddenly alert and present. His head tipped to the side. “And who’s face does the Boogey Man wear?”

It was a question Andrew knew Neil wouldn’t answer, but the taunt was there. Neil’s mouth twisted of its own will into a smile, the one that Neil couldn’t look at in a mirror. It was a terrible thing that reminded Neil too much of old ghosts. One of Andrew’s eyebrows raised, but he didn’t comment on the look. The two walked out of Sweetie’s and to the waiting car, and Neil felt like a mistake had been made. The night stretched long and vast in front of him, and the potential for good and bad ate a hole in his gut the entire way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? Just a little prelude. The next chapter will be up very soon. Look forward to it :^)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil, Andrew, and his group arrive at Eden's Twilight. Some surprises await Neil, and he's not as capable to handle Andrew as he originally thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been looking forward to this scene for a while. I really hope you all enjoy and once again, feel free to comment and tell me what you think/ask questions about the universe.
> 
> Warnings: drug use, alcohol consumption, nonconsensual drug use, roofie, mild violence (hair grabbing, pushing, etc.), Nicky being suggestive and sexual (like in canon), sensory overstimulation, Neil being Judgey, Kevin is the butt of every joke (my poor child), Neil is an asshole, and, of course, ANDREW IS AN ASSHOLE!!

Matt, Neil’s werewolf roommate, had warned Neil before he left to watch out for Andrew and his group. Neil, self-assured but not arrogant, knowing but not a know-it-all, had thought himself capable of handling whatever drama Andrew hurled his way. This belief, however, did not stand the test of Andrew Minyard.

The night had started innocent enough when they arrived at a night club called Eden’s Twilight. Nicky parked the car, Kevin located a table, Andrew and Aaron forged a path to said table, all elbows and sharp kicks. Eden’s was a beast of a club with low purple, blue, red, and green lights illuminating the collective entity of dancing bodies. It was vampires with werewolves, werewolves with vampires, humans with both, with none, with all. Tables ringed the outside of the dance floor on a raised dais. A bar stood to one side, sleek and black and tended by several people that were monsters in their own right, all sharp-fanged grins and bellows of laughter. The music was a snarl of electric beats and wailing vocals thudding through bone and blood and soul.

Neil found it overwhelming the instant he stepped inside. He couldn’t think except to follow Andrew through the crowd. His eyes were restless, leaping and landing on every person that passed, every darkened corner, every flicker of light. Neil was tense and ready for flight at the barest hint of threat that wasn’t the stare of Andrew and his group.

Once everyone was settled, Andrew grabbed Neil by the collar of his shirt—his new shirt—and dragged him to the bar. Andrew waited like a piece of stone for a specific bartender, ignoring the others that tried to take his drink order. 

“Andrew!” The bartender greeted, happiness fizzing around him. His dark skin gleamed. “Got another victim tonight? What is he?” The man’s canines flashed as he grinned down at Neil and Andrew. Neil stiffened at the attention.

“He’s human, Roland,” Andrew said, shaking Neil a bit. “We’ll have the usual.”

Roland turned to Neil, his eyes flashing a bit as he sniffed the air. “What about you, pretty boy?”

“I don’t drink,” Neil replied coolly.

“Anything? Ever?”

Neil stared.

“A soda, then? Yeah, we’ll do that.”

Andrew’s grip didn’t waver while they waited for their drinks. Neil glared at both of them, which only made Roland laugh and Andrew roll his eyes. When their tray was ready, Andrew let go of Neil and easily slid the tray into place on his shoulder. Neil eyed Andrew before turning away and attempting to plow a path through the writhing bodies.

Everyone at the table was itching for liquor. The tray of shots was devoured, Nicky enthusiastically slamming the table with his hand and shouting, “Shots! Shots! Shots!” He continued to do so until the table gave an audible crunch and wobbled. Andrew and Kevin steadied it while Nicky laughed himself hoarse. “Oh my god! I’ll never get used to this vampire shit!”

“Obviously,” Kevin spat, still holding the table, his eyes looking for a crack in the wood.

“At least Erik doesn’t have to be so gentle with me anymore. We can just get down and dirty.” Nicky grinned, all lewdness and joy.

Aaron wrinkled his nose. “Can you not? I’m trying to drink myself to death.”

Neil had heard more than he ever wanted about Nicky’s sex life with his German werewolf boyfriend, Erik. This was blasé, considering.

“Neil, do a shot with me!”

“I’m drinking pop.”

“So?” Nicky gave Neil a stupid look. Neil sighed and raised his pop.

He drank it faster than he wanted to. Neil wasn’t a fan of carbonation or sweetness, so the Coke was not to his liking. Besides, all the sugar and the heavy musk of bodies was giving him a headache, which made this night much worse than Neil anticipated.

Soon enough, Neil was being dragged away by Andrew again for round two of drinks. He tried to ask for a water, but Roland just laughed at him and poured another glass of pop. This time, when they returned, the shots were devoured along with more packets from Sweetie’s. Everyone partook except for Andrew.

Andrew tauntingly held one out. Neil grimaced and shook his head, which only made Andrew smirk.

“C’mon, Neil. You’re not drinking or having cracker dust?” Nicky asked.

“No. I don’t like drugs or alcohol.”

“But cracker dust is the beeeeeest,” he said, leaning over to drape an arm over Neil’s shoulders. Nicky’s hot breath puffed against his face. “It’s sweet and salty and gives the nicest little high I’ve ever had, before and after I was turned into a vampire. This shit is a miracle.” He flicked an empty packet for emphasis.

“Drugs are stupid.”

Andrew idly looked around the table. “So judgmental, this newbie. Aren’t freshmen supposed to be into trying new things and getting into trouble? Apparently the one we got is defective. Kevin, we have to take him back and exchange him. His attitude is too righteous for me to deal with alongside your holier-than-thou personality.”

Kevin, in the middle of knocking back a drink, choked a bit.

“Righteousness is for people who don’t know any better,” Neil shot back.

Kevin coughed, glaring.

“Easy now, kids. Let’s play nice. I’ll bite every one of you if you don’t behave,” Nicky said, hands out placatingly. “Neil, dust just makes the night more fun. Kevin wouldn’t take it if it would impact his future in any way.”

“What future?” Neil demanded. Images passed in his mind of a thousand missed shots, cones kicked over in anger, a racquet hitting wooden floors.

The look Kevin shot Neil was full of malice, all bared teeth and flashing green eyes. A growl reached Neil through the miasma of dark music, but Neil just stared Kevin down.

Nicky intervened again, exasperation coloring his tone. “Jesus, Neil. You don’t pull your punches, that’s for damn sure. Just do another shot with us and try to have a good time.” He pushed a shot glass full of pop towards Neil before raising his own.

Neil sighed and knocked it back, although he felt stupid doing it. At this point, he couldn’t taste anything except the sticky sweetness.

Andrew and Nicky, on either side of him, were watching him expectantly. Neil stared back, his eyebrows raised. They turned away, although Andrew didn’t look happy. Nicky just looked…worried.

Neil was on edge the rest of the night, sipping the glasses of soda that Roland made. Roland kept staring hard at Neil, like he was trying to figure out some difficult math problem. Neil tried to ask what the fuck Roland was staring at, but Roland just leaned over and sniffed at Neil’s shoulder before shrugging himself. Andrew looked pissed and stopped drinking after a while, not bothering to hide his scowl.

It was some time later that Neil began to feel sickly. He was already exhausted, sweaty, and trying to power through a hideous headache, so he didn’t think anything of it until he tried to dutifully follow Andrew back to the bar. When he moved to stand, the world tilted first one way and then the other, a dizzying swirl of color and movement that left Neil spinning.

Andrew appeared at his side, shoving Neil back into the chair. One of Andrew’s hands fisted in Neil’s curls, while the other slammed itself down on his right hand. Nicky took Neil’s other, offering not a word.

“It’s about fucking time,” Andrew growled. “Roland needs to check his dealer. This shit he used took way too long to work on a human.”

Neil tried to speak but found his mouth didn’t want to obey.

“You’re an idiot, Neil Josten. Roland is on my side, not yours. He knows how things work around here.”

Neil jerked his hand away from Andrew, but Andrew just tightened his grip in Neil’s hair and gave his head a sharp yank. Fear trickled under Neil’s skin, spreading and tightening and squeezing the muscles in his body. He tried to speak, to act, but the dosage of the drug kept his movements slow and weak. His mind whirled, helplessness making Neil sink further and further into the thralls of the drug. He groaned, his headache a living thing in his temples and skull beating—beating—beating to be let out.

“Don’t worry. It will really hit in a few minutes. Why don’t you go enjoy it, hm? Let loose a little. Nicky, Aaron, keep him occupied.”

Nicky wrapped himself around Neil’s left side, laughing. Neil lunged away, reaching for Andrew with curled hands intent on damage, but someone yanked him from behind. Neil toppled. The air left his lungs without his consent, painful in its absence. Neil coughed. He tried to sit up. His body would not obey. Aaron helped him up, neatly avoiding the punch sent his way

The drugs were eating him alive. Neil could feel their burning and biting in the tips of his fingers. He could not feel the ground beneath him. He could not feel himself, and that scared Neil more than anything. He needed to be Neil Josten or his world would come crashing down.

Aaron and Nicky got him down to the dance floor.

Neil had enough consciousness left to hope that he would not say something stupid before he faded to black fuzz.

***

“Pay attention, Neil. This is important.” Andrew’s whisper came to him in shattered bits and pieces. The pulse of Eden’s twilight was slow and heavy, meandering through Neil and twining with his own heartbeat.

“I hate you,” Neil gasped. He opened his eyes just enough to glare at Andrew.

“Get in line.”

“Don’t you dare sleep. I’ll kill you.” Neil imagined it, and satisfaction blossomed in his chest.

“Will you?” Andrew asked, and Neil floated back to the moment. “Will you do it yourself, or will you hire someone? You’ve got the cash. Why not, right? A proper hitman would do wonders for getting shit done. But,” Andrew paused. “I can’t help but wonder where a kid like you got so much money.”

It took Neil a moment to figure out what Andrew was talking about. “The sidewalk,” he replied.

“Really? Pretty lucky, then. What I can’t figure out is why you won’t spend it. Is it because you found it on the sidewalk? Or do you just really like dressing like you’re homeless? I mean, that’s your choice, but you know you look like trash.” Andrew waited to see if he could get a reaction out of that. “The team is split about you. Dan, our brave human leader, thinks you’re genuine, just a little skittish because of a bad past. Renee does not. Neither do I. I think you’re something a little bit more like me. I mean, you are a Fox, after all.” He leaned in, his lips curled, the planes of his face awash in green light. “Runaway.”

“Mind you own business, Andrew.”

“Oh, no no. Did no one tell you? Tonight is Mind Neil’s Business Night. This is how the game works. Try to keep up with me.”

“Fuck you.” He ran his tongue over his teeth.

“I’d rather not. Give me something real and you can stay.”

“Who are you to decide? You’re just a goalie.”

“I’m not ‘just’ anything, Neil, and you know this. I decide who can stay and who can’t. It’s as simple as that. Black and white, right and wrong, blah blah blah.”

Neil stayed quiet, gathering the pieces of himself and trying to repair cracks he couldn’t see, couldn’t remember. Panic danced at the edges of the small kernel of consciousness Neil held.

“Neil.” It was a threat and a promise. “Don’t make me call the police. I can make them do a real check on you and see what they dig up. How interesting that would be.”

“Nice scare tactic. The police would never do favors for someone like you.”

“I know one cop who would. I just have to spin the story a little and bam!” Andrew clapped his hands together by Neil’s ear, making him flinch. “Instant results. Tell me, how cold is your trail, runaway?”

“Shut up,” Neil snapped. “Just leave me the fuck alone!” He put a hand over his mouth, feeling both nauseous and afraid of what else might be popping out of his mouth.

“No can do, Josten. No. Can. Do. When I went through that pretty shrine of yours for our resident sphincter, Kevin, and his former owner, Riko, I couldn’t help but connect some dots. The way you look at him.” Andrew’s words were graffitied in disgust. “Edgar Allen’s move to our district. You, a small-town rabbit from a no-name town in Arizona. You, a liar. You, a rich man. You, obsessive and greedy and always wanting more than you can ever have. Do you understand me?”

Neil did. When Andrew laid it out like that, of course he did. It was every warning sign he had learned from, ran from. “You think I’m a mole for the Ravens.”

“Ding ding ding! Correct answer. All you have to do is prove your innocence and I won’t rip Exy out of your cold, dead hands. Stay here and think about it for a while. Have fun. Be safe. I’ll be back for your answer.”

Andrew pushed off the wall and left Neil slumped there. He didn’t know how long he stood there before Nicky came and dragged him back to the dance floor. A shot was poured down his throat, his mouth wretched open by Nicky’s steel strength. In the face of exhaustion and being drugged, Neil could do nothing. His already broken world was fracturing. He closed his eyes and went numb from the neck down. The flashes of red, green, blue, and purple created a lucid world of inescapability and potential for terrible, terrible things, and all of it was accompanied by the raging beat of a monster unleashed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *note: a sphincter is a tight ring of muscle that is usually located at the opening of a tube, such as in the stomach or anus (guess which one Andrew was referring to)  
> **the "shrine" that Andrew is talking about is Neil's binder (but it doesn't hold all of Neil's secrets in this fic :^)  
> I look forward to reading your reactions (^v^)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil wakes up after Eden's and all hell breaks loose!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So fun thing! A portion of this very (VERY) long chapter is in Andrew's point of view because I wanted to give it a try. Let me know what you think! Also, we get a bit of a reveal for Neil's character, and some interesting developments in the universe itself.
> 
> Warnings: mentions of sexual assualt (canon-typical [ft. Nicky Hemmick]), vomit, dizziness, sensory disorientation, hangovers (from the drugs), canon-typical threatening and violence from everyone, EVERYONE IS AN ASSHOLE, Neil just wants to play sports and live a little okay?

Neil was not a gentle creature. Any proclivity for it had been brutalized beyond recognition by his father, his mother, and the world. As such, Neil coming back into himself, into reality, the morning after Eden’s was a massacre.

First came the throbbing. It beat a nasty little rhythm that kept Neil from unconsciousness. The feeling spread to what he assumed was the rest of his body, curling in his gut and making his legs tense and shake.

Next came the heat. Neil was burning. It was in his throat and on his shoulder blades. He thought he might be on fire, but didn’t have the will to check. Besides, he was in too much pain from the throbbing to really care.

Finally, awareness came into focus, ripping away the ignorant fabric of sleep. Neil felt the bed beneath his body, his sweaty hair stuck to his forehead, his mouth sealed closed from dehydration, and, of course, the throbbing. His stomach rioted, and then someone was shoving his head away, towards the end of the bed just in time for Neil to puke.  
He coughed and gagged against the taste, unable to help the few dry heaves that left him gasping for breath. Someone sighed behind him, still holding Neil’s head. “Yeah, whatever Roland uses on you guys just tears your guts up. I’m glad it wasn’t me.”

Neil’s anger caught and sparked on the tinder of his memories. Eden’s and its rumbling bass in his bones. Roland’s canines in purple light. Sticky sweetness coating his tongue. Andrew’s heavy hand in Neil’s hair. Aaron and Nicky, no more than flashes of faces, keeping him on the dance floor. Nicky’s tongue in his mouth and his hands all over Neil’s body.

“Neil? You okay?”

The hand was still in his hair. It held him. It had violated his boundaries last night, and Neil was scared of it—more scared of what it had uncovered.

The hand was still in his hair, and that was intolerable.

“Get off of me!” Neil gasped out. He whirled on Nicky despite his throbbing and burning and unholy awareness. He lashed out with everything he had, which was to say, not much at all in his weakened state. Nicky yelped as Neil’s fist crashed into his chest.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Neil—shit. Relax! Relax, would you?” Nicky tried to grab Neil and pin him down, but Neil was not having it. He wriggled away and fell out of the bed, taking the alarm clock with him, just as Aaron came slamming into the room, murder on his face.

Neil hurled the alarm clock with everything he was worth. It exploded against the doorframe next to Aaron’s head. A few bits of plastic pelted the side of his head, but Aaron didn’t seem to care. He walked over and hauled Neil to his feet, shoving him hard against the wall. Neil’s world spun and he thought he might puke again. He clamped a hand over his mouth and breathed through his nose, glaring all the while at Nicky.

“What’s going on, Nicky?” Aaron asked, standing between them. His eyes never strayed from Neil.

“Nothing! I mean, we were sleeping and Neil started to wake up so I shoved his head towards the trash can. When he was done throwing up, he freaked out on me. Whatever! This is what I get for trying to be helpful.” Nicky looked upset anyway, but Neil didn’t care.

“Andrew and Kevin are out getting us brunch. They’ll be back soon.”

Nicky glanced at Neil, who was still focusing on not puking. “I don’t think Neil will be able to eat.”

Aaron looked supremely uncaring. “He can watch.”

Nicky’s face oozed sympathy anyway, his big brown eyes properly woeful. He carefully walked over to Neil’s place against the wall, reaching out a hand to touch Neil’s shoulder. Neil stiffened, words bulging and pushing against his throat. Nicky said, “Come on, Neil. Let me get you some water.”

Neil couldn’t stand Nicky’s touch, so he jerked away. Nicky sighed, but followed Aaron out anyway. The door was left open.

Neil tried to calm his writhing thoughts, but old instincts were rising, along with the knowledge that Neil didn’t have any of his supplies necessary to keep his human deception intact. They would find out about Neil’s vampirism, and then every secret Neil had ever kept would be flushed into the open. Fear was thrown into the mix of his emotions, making everything else all the more potent.

It took him three tries to make it off the wall and to the doorway. Five minutes later, he made it to the kitchen. It didn’t help that he was unfamiliar with the layout of the house.  
Nicky was waiting in the kitchen, a glass of water in his hand and a little smile. Neil made his way to a stool by the long stretch of counter. Nicky slid the glass to him when Neil was settled. While Neil was parched, he wasn’t willing to play their game anymore. Neil casually pushed the glass off the counter, staring Nicky down the entire time. Glass shattered, and Neil felt the water spray his feet.

“Really, Neil?” Nicky asked.

“Very mature,” Aaron shouted from the living room.

“What did I say last night?” Neil asked. It was an itch he couldn’t scratch.

“Let me check your head and I’ll tell you.” Nicky’s mouth twisted with concern. Everyone in this family is an extortionist, Neil thought.

“What happened to my head?” Neil demanded. “Nicky, tell me. I have a right to know.”

“Just tell him. He’s giving me a headache,” Aaron said as he walked into the kitchen. He stepped neatly around the glass.

“Fine. To me, you didn’t say much besides some very creative death threats. You know, jocks aren’t usually so imaginative, so kudos to you. I hope you don’t take too many Exy balls to the helmet and ruin that.”

“Nicky.”

“Okay, umm…well, I don’t know how your conversation with Andrew went, but I don’t think it was good. Do you remember anything? No? After that and a little more dancing you paid some muscle-headed werewolf a hundred bucks to knock you the fuck out. It was a little hilarious, but seriously, Neil? What the fuck? I think Andrew’s pissed at you, too, so beware.”

He didn’t remember any of that. A single voice rose in his mind, shrill and berating as she screamed and screamed and screamed.

“Whoa, Neil, you okay? You look like you’re gonna pass out. If I wasn’t Hispanic I’m pretty sure you’d be as pale as me.”

This made Neil go even more pale. Nicky had no idea what he’d just said. Aaron watched with cold detachment, as if waiting for it to happen so he could analyze what he saw. “You look like shit,” Aaron said after a minute. He seemed dissatisfied that Neil hadn’t passed out.

“Yeah, you really do. No offense, but you smell like ass, too. You take a shower first and by the time you’re done, Andrew and Kevin will be back. You can talk to Andrew then.” Nicky nodded to himself. “Do that. Go on, shoo shoo.”

Neil got up from the stool, stepping carefully over the glass. He walked a relatively straight line to the bathroom, only stopping to lean against the wall once. Inside, he shut and locked the door, listening for a moment to be sure that Nicky or Aaron hadn’t followed him. While a vampire’s hearing was extraordinary, Neil’s head was a buzzing mess, leaving him without that particular skill.

Turning, Neil took stock of the bathroom as quickly as he could manage. He flicked the shower on, cranking up the heat on it just because he could. Neil gathered what he needed from his wallet and the medicine cabinet before stripping off the club clothes and stuffing them in the toilet. Again, just because he could. He redressed in the clothes laid out for them, hating how well they fit. He kept the boots on because there was nothing else he could wear, and he kind of liked them. 

Once he was dressed, Neil turned on the faucet and drank as much water as he could in a minute. He grabbed Nicky’s sunscreen, specially made for vamps, and rubbed it all over the skin left exposed from his clothes. He popped in an extra pair of brown contacts he had kept in his wallet. He took another pill he’d brought and swallowed it, grimacing. The supplements took the place of real blood, and if they were taken regularly, Neil would feel no bloodlust. He couldn’t afford to fuck up that schedule.

The whole episode took about seven minutes. There wasn’t much else Neil could do. It would have to be enough until he could find a way back to campus where the character of “Neil Josten” was waiting, human and fierce and Exy-obsessed. What he was now was something between, something other and not entirely real; a reflection inside a reflection given substance without boundaries, without rules. He was too close to the surface of the truth here, and if he breached it, nothing but regret and pain would await him.  
He was not sticking around in a house he didn’t know surrounded by people determined to extract his secrets like they were pulling teeth. He would have his conversation with Andrew and get the answers he needed. He would give Andrew something interesting, a little of this and a little of that, just to get him off Neil’s back and keep his focus away, like a child with a new toy. He would survive this because he had to. His death may be secured with iron chains, but he was going to use every bit of slack to viciously enjoy the moments he still had.

A small window was Neil’s chance to leave. He made himself as small as possible and wiggled out, dropping into the hedges below with a grunt. Brushing himself off, Neil made a beeline for the front yard, walking down the block the house was on. The sun was glaringly bright, hurting Neil’s sensitive eyes, and he made a note to buy sunglasses.  
When he turned the corner and was out of the visual line of the house, Neil bolted, sprinting down the street with everything he had. It felt like leaving a bad dream and stepping into a war zone. Neil had no allies, no resources with him, and physically, he was at a disadvantage with his body dehydrated and sweating out the drug. Not to mention he didn’t know where the fuck he was. That was the immediate problem.

At the first gas station on a main road he wandered onto, Neil bought several bottles of water, a few protein bars, a bag of pretzels, sunglasses, and a map. He found a decrepit old payphone and pumped it full of change before dialing Matt’s number.

“Hullo?” Matt said, sounding muffled and sleepy.

“Matt, it’s Neil. I didn’t wake you, did I?” Neil thought being polite would be the best case for what he was about ask. He knew it was about ten o’ clock from the gas station clock.

“Neil? Where the fuck’re you calling from? I didn’t hear you come back last night. Please tell me the monsters didn’t eat you.”

“I’m in Columbia with—”

Neil’s words were cut off by a litany of curses lined with animalistic snarls of anger. Neil calmly waited this out, but he felt a trickle of concern that Matt was reacting this way. He had seemed agreeable enough, and he was a good Exy player, so Neil wasn’t overly put off by him.

“Jesus Christ, Neil. Just—fucking hell, why did you do that? He didn’t—” Matt choked off, the anger taking over again. “Just tell me if you’re alright?”

“I’m fine,” Neil lied.

“I don’t believe you. Where are you? Are you at the house? I’ll come pick you up, just give me a sec.” Matt’s voice left the phone, and it sounded like he was talking to someone, because he said, “I’ll fucking kill him,” and a female voice, who sounded like Dan, replied. Neil waited.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Matt sounded like he was in pain. Neil gave an idle thought as to what Andrew might have done to Matt, dreading what his mind churned up.  
“I am. I don’t need a ride, either. I do want to ask a favor. Andrew might come snooping into our room today, and if I’m not there, can you keep him out? He’s looking for something of mine. I’ll owe you one.” Neil hoped he sounded properly pleading, because he could barely hear himself with the pounding in his head.

“I’m good for it, Neil. You don’t owe me anything.”

“Thank you. I think we’re heading back soon. I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah. Be careful, Neil.”

Neil hung up.

***

It was almost five by the time Neil made it to Wymack’s apartment.

“Neil, where the hell have you been?” Wymack snapped, anger, confusion, and worry all warring for dominance on his face as he looked Neil over. “Andrew got back from Columbia hours ago, and Matt told me you weren’t with them. Explanation. Now.”

“I just took a different route.” Neil didn’t really see what the problem was. Wymack knew about Andrew and how he was.

“What did you do, run here?” Wymack snorted.

“Walked, actually.”

Wymack stared at him, stunned into silence. Too late Neil realized it had been a joke. He hurried to explain, detailing how he hitchhiked a while before walking the rest of the way. Somehow, Neil had survived, although his skin was pink from the sun and he was starving and exhausted. He wanted nothing more than to crash onto Wymack’s couch and sleep.

“Get your ass in here, Josten,” Wymack said, voice tight. He grabbed Neil by the forearm and dragged him inside, slamming the door behind him. It creaked ominously, but Wymack was too angry to hear it, and Neil was too tired to feel much more than a flicker of fear before it was muffled and stuffed away to deal with later.

In the living room, Wymack let go of Neil and whirled on him, yellow irises glowing and pupils contracted to thin vertical slits. Neil kept his mouth shut, running his tongue over his teeth. “Are you stupid or just crazy? Do you know what could have happened to you between Columbia and here? That shit is too risky to be pulling, Neil. What even possessed you to do that in the first place?”

“I was not riding back with them,” Neil snapped.

“Then you call me!” Wymack exploded. “Or Abby! Or Matt! I know he offered and you refused, so don’t try to bullshit your way out of that one. Any of us would have come got you. All you had to do was ask.” His mouthful off sharp teeth was very close to Neil’s face, and Neil suddenly remembered how close the full moon was. His habit of tracking it was never far. While a full change was no longer out of a werewolf’s control, tempers tended to flare up, and all of their senses and strengths were heightened. It wasn’t just four canines Neil was staring at; it was thirty-two sharp little fuckers. It also explained Matt’s uncharacteristic snarling over the phone.

Neil took a large step back, crossing his arms over his chest. Wymack looked like he wanted to follow, but then realization came. He straightened and cleared his throat, not apologetic for his display but understanding that Neil was uncomfortable being that close. The anger was still palpable, but Neil felt better with space between them.

“Go to the kitchen and drink some water. I have a call to make.” Wymack grabbed Neil again and dragged him to the kitchen instead of trusting Neil to do it himself. He was careful not to let his claws dig into Neil’s skin. 

Wymack stomped away after Neil had drained one glass, his phone already in his hand. “Get your crazy ass to my apartment in five seconds, you piece of shit. I swear to god if you try to tell me no I will burn Kevin’s contract right here, right now and send you a video of me doing it. You got that? Good.” Neil heard the phone hit the wall a moment later.

“And you,” Wymack snarled, stalking back into the kitchen. It took a herculean effort for Neil to turn his head towards him. “You go take a goddamn shower because you smell like a fucking zoo.” A bundle of clothes hit Neil in the face.

***

Wymack was irritating. His rants were well-rounded and well-spoken, interspersed with foul language, but the whole message Wymack was trying to convey was that Andrew had crossed a line and put a new recruit in danger again and blah blah blah. Andrew didn’t see that. He hadn’t even been toeing them, in Andrew’s opinion. Neil wasn’t in the hospital or dead, so that was a big plus compared to other evaluations. He was way too sober to be dealing with this.

Andrew occupied his mind by analyzing the way Wymack was ranting, picking apart what he heard and filing away what he could use and what he couldn’t. He didn’t know what kind of situation would warrant Andrew being so long-winded and angry, so he imagined that, too, but came up relatively empty. This only irritated him further.

Neil appeared in the doorway to the living room behind Wymack, which immediately snagged Andrew’s attention away from his mental picking. His skin was sunburnt but sallow looking, the bags under his eyes heavy and purple. Andrew was disappointed to see Neil’s brown eyes again, dark and too hard for Andrew to read. His curls were wet and droopy. The clothes he wore were an abomination, baggy and shapeless and wholly unflattering in every aspect. Andrew much preferred the black ensemble he’d picked out, which was now ruined, or the second set that Andrew had not been able to see.

“Have a nice stroll, runaway?” Andrew taunted.

The reaction was too good to pass up. Neil stiffened, his eyes flashing as much as they could with the contacts. His expression twisted into something ugly, and Andrew could almost feel the words rising in Neil’s lying little mouth.

“Fuck you,” Neil spat.

That’s what he had expected. Andrew wanted to taunt him more, to push Neil until all his secrets were spilled into Andrew’s expectant hands. He needed to know; Andrew had promises of his own to keep, and he wasn’t about to break them because a little rabbit conveniently wandered into the jaws of a fox.

The fact that Neil was interesting was just a bonus.

Wymack snapped his clawed fingers in front of Andrew’s sight, pulling his attention away from where it needed to be. “I don’t know what the problem is between you two, but it ends here and now. Abby and I made it clear that we wouldn’t tolerate another repeat of last year.”

“This is not last year, Coach.” Andrew couldn’t keep the edge out of his voice. His irritation was a sweeping thing, knocking over whatever else Andrew was thinking in favor of giving attention to it. “You think he would have made it back here on his own if it was? He’s human. It would have killed him.”

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Wymack snapped again. It seemed to be his favorite phrase today.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Andrew fired back. “Bringing him here.” The binder appeared in Andrew’s mind, flipping through every page, every article, every bill of money, the damning proof Andrew needed. The proof that Neil had kept safe again with the upperclassmen populating Neil’s room and the door locked.

Neil jumped in, his eyes on Andrew. “Coach, I need to talk to Andrew alone.”

There he went again, saving his ass, wherever it was hidden in those baggy jeans.

“No. I don’t trust you two to be alone together. I don’t have anywhere else to be, so this is where we’re all staying until this problem is resolved.”

Neil looked panicked at that, and Andrew wondered again what was happening in that head of his. He was figuring out what to say with Wymack in the room when Neil spoke.  
Andrew’s brain understood the words being said, but his thoughts stuttered to a stop at the first German syllable out of Neil’s mouth. Alarms blared in his head. Andrew locked up, his body not responding to any command to move, to beat the life out of Neil because he was a threat with a smart mouth that apparently knew German. He scrambled for control, but found nothing, only memories. Andrew thought back to every instance of using German around the little fucker now flawlessly speaking it with a perfect fucking accent, too. Andrew didn’t have a clue based on his observations from his time being sober, and any memories when he was on his meds were tainted with lines of thought Andrew didn’t like to look at too closely. With his mind being flung at escape velocity into space, not a lot of details stuck.

It took Andrew longer than it should have to find the memory with what Neil had said to him. He worked to translate it, finally understanding what was said. He largely ignored it, because it had just been whining and posturing. Of course, Andrew understood why Neil was playing that card now, with Wymack in the room, but Andrew didn’t like it. Especially that accent.

“How unexpected,” Andrew replied in German. He was grateful his mouth was working, at least. “No one told you I don’t care much for surprises, huh?”

“You think I care about that?”

“Just how many languages do you speak, runaway?” Now Andrew knew about French and German.

Neil ignored the word this time, which annoyed Andrew. The whole point of using it was to get a reaction. “Tell me why you did it,” Neil demanded.

“I told you last night. Were you too high to remember?”

“I remember.”

“Good. I’m still waiting for your answer.” Andrew was impatient for it, near greedy.

“I told you I wasn’t a mole and I’m not. You’re insane if you think I am.”

“That’s what they tell me, Neil. Correct me.”

“Give me a reason.”

Christ. “Besides the obvious? How dense are you? If you will not give me the answers I want, then I will find them however I need to. Why don’t I start with your parents?” Andrew wanted to see if that would get a reaction out of him.

Neil stilled, staring. “Good luck with that. They’re dead.”

Even better in Andrew’s mind. “Did you kill them?”

Again, the quiet. The stillness. It was a bit of a freaky thing that Neil did. He just stopped moving and stared with eyes that reminded Andrew too much of himself. He did it to most everyone, but especially people who were kind and nice. For Andrew, Neil gave wariness, caution, spite, and a dash of humor; for Kevin, anger and ferocity and insubordination, which honestly delighted Andrew. This look was something other than what Andrew expected.

In a blink, it was gone. “Did you kill yours?”

A simple question with a complicated answer. Tilda came to life in Andrew’s mind, long blonde hair and too much makeup that always seemed to be running at the corners. Too many dreams, too little a life, too much alcohol, and too many drugs. Andrew tilted his head as if he could shake Tilda out of his head and onto the carpet. “I don’t have parents,” he finally said. The words were smooth and easy.

“I didn’t kill my parents,” Neil choked out, and it looked like he wanted to say more. His body was tight, his eyes darting and scared. “Riko’s family did.”

Andrew’s thoughts went left, then right. It was not an easy thing to deal with, because Andrew wanted answers now but his brain—his goddamn brain—didn’t want to work. At least Andrew was present. He was here here here and that was more than Andrew could usually ask, more than Neil probably deserved.

Neil explained his past. It was money and murder and filthy hands and ravens with talons tearing into flesh and bone. It was promised children and their decay. It was a gruesome thing that no child should have experienced, and yet it had happened. It happened. It was happening. Andrew’s thoughts derailed into darker territory, as it usually did where childhoods were concerned. Betsy Dobson’s cool voice threaded its way into Andrew’s head, putting labels on himself and why Neil’s past forced Andrew’s mind to such close proximity to Andrew’s corruption, his childhood ripped away. Bee would be buzzing with this, with Andrew and his…feelings. Neil was a human being with a past possibly more bloody than Andrew’s. Andrew needed to know more, the details, the wounds and scars, the names; he needed to compare them side by side in darkness and watch the pattern of their lights, to see their truth for himself.

Neil was smiling by the end of it, and one hand was pressed against the cruel thing, as if he could wipe it from existence.

Andrew turned this glimmer of truth over and over and over, taking the pieces he knew and lining them up with the pieces Neil was giving him. He added Neil’s smile, if that could be called a smile, because it seemed to be a shining certainty Neil couldn’t help giving up. 

“I’m lucky Kevin doesn’t recognize me, or at least my scent.” Neil said, eyes trained on the floor. “I don’t know what he remembers, from before, but I remember him. He makes me think of my parents. He’s all I have left of that life from before, but if word gets back to my father’s boss about me, if Kevin or Riko remember me, I’m dead.”

What the fuck was he supposed to do with that? The whammies just seemed to keep on coming today, in Andrew’s opinion. He was soaking in the truth at last, and as he put the puzzle together in his head, he noticed a piece was missing. Andrew didn’t know how long they had sat in silence, but he also didn’t care. He managed to move his body closer to Neil, ignoring Wymack’s mirror movement to intervene. Andrew’s head tilted again, and he was wholly aware of everything. The chill of the air-conditioning, the light buzzing from the lamp, the weight of his cigarettes, keys, and phone in his pocket, the scratch of his clothes, the heat in his fingertips; Andrew felt it all.

“Then why are you here?” Andrew asked. Neil should have run the moment he knew about Edgar Allen’s transfer—no, the moment Kevin showed up at Millport. He should be gone with the fucking wind. Maybe all of the curses Andrew had filed away would be put to good use with Neil lingering.

“Because I’m tired.” It wasn’t hard to believe. He looked dead. “I’m tired of running and hiding. I don’t have anywhere else to go, and besides, I’m…jealous of Kevin and all that he has. I can’t stay away. He’s a pompous asshole, a werewolf with an inflated ego, I know. But, he gets what it’s like to fear waking up, and at the same time, he has you at his back telling him that it’ll be alright. He has everything, even when it seemed he lost it all, and I—” Neil broke off, his breath a shaky rattle, and Andrew knew without fully knowing what Neil was getting at. “I’m nothing. Just a human, just a runaway. I have and always will be nothing.”

Neil sounded miserable, but Andrew could not care less. It only added to Andrew’s sight, to his seeing of Neil and all that he was baring. Andrew hated this kid, in the moment, for everything that Andrew had done to get this truth, for feeling and feeling and feeling when he wanted to feel nothing. Andrew knew this was unhealthy, could hear Bee’s smooth voice rip into Andrew’s sense of self with claws made of kindness and knowing, always knowing, but he didn’t care. Neil wouldn’t know any better, and Andrew could only school his expression into vacancy. Neil was not about to be informed by Andrew that Andrew felt anything, let alone a simmering hatred that might frighten the rabbit away after luring him close.

Andrew reached up, feeling like an outsider in his own body, and wrapped his hand around Neil’s hand, which still smeared at his mouth that had smiled so horribly earlier. Andrew pulled it away without much force, staring hard at everything Andrew was seeing and had seen. It looked a little too familiar. And those words—I am nothing—they hit hard.

“Let me stay,” Neil said. “I’m not ready to give this up.”

He didn’t know how to react or what to even say to Neil. Andrew’s thoughts were still ordering themselves, putting the final pieces of the puzzle together to form the complete picture of Neil Josten. Andrew couldn’t decide if he liked what he saw or not. 

“Keep it if you can, but know that it won’t last long.” The words were a dig from Andrew, a reminder, but also acceptance.

Neil sighed sharply, but he still looked like he was going to run. “I’ll be gone by our match against Edgar Allen. I won’t risk Riko recognizing me.”

Was that supposed to make Andrew feel better about the risk of Neil Josten? He seemed earnest about this, about Exy, but Neil was also a liar liar, baggy-ass pants on fire. Andrew would have to settle with this, and wait Neil out. His truth may not stand up to the reality he lived in, and Andrew would be there to dig a little deeper each time until the essence of Neil was thrumming and alive in Andrew’s hand.

“Such a will to live for someone with nothing to live for,” Andrew said. “Next time we have a little heart-to-heart like this, I’ll ask about that. Have your truths ready.”

“Let’s not talk like this ever again,” Neil replied.

Andrew agreed.

Neil seemed torn, picking at the hem of his shirt. “Are you going to tell Kevin?”

Fuck. “Don’t ask stupid questions.” Neil’s life would end a hell of a lot sooner if Andrew did that, and while it was tempting, Neil was too interesting for Andrew to give up just yet.

***

The Foxes were crowded in the dorm room hallway when Neil and Andrew arrived back at Fox Tower. Aaron looked pissed, which wasn’t new, Nicky was teary-eyed and jittery, and Kevin looked supremely unimpressed with everything.

The upperclassmen were another beast entirely. Dan shouldered her way past everyone and walked right up to Neil, concerned and angry eyes scanning his figure, fluttering hands checking him over for hurts. Neil was too tired to care about the touching, and Andrew looked on with his usual vacant gaze at his side.

“Are you okay?” Dan asked, searching his face.

“I’m fine.”

“Andrew?” Kevin said, his voice anxious. Neil leaned to the side, peering over Dan’s shoulder. Kevin looked like a bit of a mess, his hair disheveled, his body a hard line against the doorway to his room. With Neil’s eyesight, he could see the slight trembling in Kevin’s hands, and Neil didn’t know if it was fear or the pending full moon that had him so worked up.

Andrew looked at Kevin, too. “I’m washing my hands of this. He’s everyone else’s problem now.” He took off into his room, shutting the door behind him.

Neil caught the look between Aaron and Nicky, the study Kevin made of him. Neil had been approved. Neil was safe.

He didn’t feel that way. He felt like he’d been ripped to shreds, and now he was exposing his wounds to salt and air, to being seen by Andrew and unflinchingly accepted. Neil wanted to run.

He stayed.

Dan slung an arm around Neil’s shoulders and walked away from the monsters lingering in the hall, towards the upperclassmen and their assessing eyes. Renee caught Neil’s gaze, something knowing in their depths. Neil looked away. “Coach said you hitchhiked your way back from Columbia. I want to throttle you for being so stupid, but Coach said he already took care of it.”

“He did. Lesson learned. I’ll call for a ride next time.” God, Neil wanted to sleep.

Dan’s expression hardened. “There won’t be a next time.” She tugged everyone into Neil’s room and shut the door.

“You were right about Andrew. He did try to get in, but he never made it past the front door,” Matt supplied, walking towards the kitchen.

“Thank you.”

“Thank Renee,” Dan said, sitting on the floor next to the carcasses of beer cans. “It isn’t often she takes sides, but it’s a hell of a lot easier when she does.”

Neil glanced towards Renee, who was walking into the kitchen just as Matt was walking out, another round of cans in his arms. “I’m gonna grab some water,” Neil said quietly.

In the kitchen, Renee was waiting with a soft smile, her pastel hair nearly glowing from the light above her. “Neil. I’m glad you’re okay.”

Neil nodded.

“I want to offer you some advice, if that’s okay with you,” she said, tilting her head.

Neil assumed it was about Andrew. He didn’t understand Renee and Andrew’s relationship, but it had apparently saved Neil’s ass from having his secrets torn from desperate hands. 

Renee stepped forward, close close close to Neil. He wanted to step away, but the look on Renee’s face stopped him. It was dark and curious, a dangerous mix if Neil had ever seen one. She held out a hand, something in it, and waited for Neil to move to accept it.

What she dropped in his hand made his heart thunder to life. Blood rose in his cheeks, and dammit all he couldn’t control his breathing. His mother’s voice raged to life. Neil decided to play dumb, but he didn’t think it would work. “What is this?”

Renee was a powerful vampire with a lot more skills and secrets than she let on. Neil knew about one, her affinity for plants, but everything else about her was static. He had pegged her as dangerous, though, the moment he met her, and it seemed his instincts were not shot to hell like he’d thought.

In his hand lay a small spray bottle. It was a brand he didn’t know, but the description was more than enough to kick Neil into high alert. Neil had something similar that he used to appear human. The liquid inside masked the scent of a vampire completely, and Neil had stocked up on the little bottles before he moved from Millport. They were hidden, and hidden well, a few in Wymack’s apartment, a few in the locker rooms, a few in Neil’s own room.

She was still watching Neil. “Your scent is a bit off. This brand works better for what you’re doing. Try it.”

“What do you want?” Neil asked.

“I don’t want anything, Neil.”

“You do. You—” Renee cut him off with a placating hand.

“Let me explain.” She paused, making sure Neil stayed quiet. “I know you don’t trust me, but I have no intention of outing you to anyone. I don’t need an explanation for why you’re hiding. When you’re ready, you’ll tell us. I believe that. You’re a Fox, after all. For now, I want you to know that with the full moon, the wolves may be able to tell you’re not human, Seth especially. He’s quite strong. This will help, but it’s not a permanent solution.”

Renee’s serenity didn’t change, and neither did the heaviness in her eyes. Neil stayed quiet, unsure and terrified despite her words.

She continued, “If you need more help, you can come to me. I won’t tell anyone, even Andrew. But, if this…deception puts the Foxes at risk, or in danger, I will. Foxes protect each other, even from other Foxes.” She paused, tilting her head like Andrew had done. It was piercing and knowing. "Get some rest tonight. You've had a long day."

Renee smiled again before flitting away, back to the living room. Neil could hear their exclamations over her, Allison asking her a question about the meaning behind red roses to settle a bet between her and Matt. Renee’s answer was thoughtful, and Matt groaned as he handed over twenty bucks. Allison was laughing, a high cackle that ricocheted through the room.

Neil stood there for a very long time, the bottle in his hand. He couldn’t really move now, too busy trying to shove his mind back onto the tracks so he could figure out how to deal with this new development. However, his thoughts were sluggish and heavy, too weighed down by the events of the night and day. Sleep first, then figure this out. His mother’s voice reappeared for a moment, vivid and sharp, but it settled down quickly enough. He was just too tired.

“Neil! Do you wanna play with us? We’re between hands,” Matt yelled from the living room.

He didn’t even remember seeing the cards on the floor, only the beer cans. Neil blinked. He took a few shaky steps to the living room doorway. “I’m exhausted. Next time?”  
Matt nodded happily. Dan butt in with a suggestion to move to her room, and everyone gathered their game up and went away, shutting the door behind them. Renee didn’t look at Neil.

Neil listened to them walk down the hall, open Dan’s door, and pile inside. Seth made a joke in his scratchy voice, and Allison smacked his shoulder for it. Renee made an observation about it, which made everyone laugh. She then offered to grab snacks from the kitchen, which was met with a chorus of thanks. Neil didn’t hear Renee walk into the kitchen, and he knew that she knew he was listening. “I’m here, Neil,” she said. Neil’s heart constricted, and he slammed down the hall and to his room. 

After obsessively checking his room, the safe, and his binder, Neil changed into his own clothes, taking another blood supplement and spraying himself with the scent blocker Renee gave him. He sniffed at himself, surprised at how well it worked. Neil had just used whatever his mother told him to use, his trust in her explicit and unending.

Neil climbed into his bed, wondering at the flutter of his usually slow heart, the trembling in his hands. He didn’t think it to be terror, but maybe awe, and little of something else.

He didn’t figure it out until he was nearly asleep.

Hope was a dangerous, disquieting thing, but he thought perhaps he liked it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some notes on the universe!  
> *Vampires have heightened senses, speed, and strength, but it's not so vast a gap between them and humans that humans are completely helpless! Evolution ensured this! Also, humans are not as completely helpless as they seem ;)  
> *Vampires have naturally slow heartbeats (like a few times a minute), so when a vamp is scared (like rlly scared) their heartbeat kicks up to what would be fairly natural for a human, if a bit slower (generally around 70 beats/min) ((this is also how Neil's truth escaped Abby's notice during the physical, but there's something else that helped))  
> *Vamps take supplements on regular schedules to keep themselves from feeling the urge to feed. it can be very consuming and distracting for a vamp. On the supplements themselves, vamps can live, but they eat food for social reasons and bc food is good! they're bodies don't need it, but they can eat without being sick or having to throw it all back up  
> *Werewolves no longer have to fully change, and many no longer can! Evolution is a bitch folks. However, all wolves, regardless of abilities to change, have heightened everything near a full moon. It's generally a very disorienting time for all wolves  
> *While vamps have more speed and accuracy than wolves, wolves dominate in sheer strength, making both very, very dangerous to each other and humans  
> *Some vamps do have special abilities, although it is extraordinarily rare and coveted. Renee can control plants to an extent, although nothing crazy. It has to do with the vampire gene and genetic mutations caused either by abnormalities in the chromosomes or an environmental factor that triggers a dormant disposition (like how one stressful event can exacerbate schizophrenia and pull an individual into a psychosis...generally schizophrenia has a strong genetic link, but some get it and some don't...the same goes for this idea)  
> I think that's all for now? Ask me questions if anything's confusing. I planned a lot of this universe out while i was bored at work lol. Also!!!! Pretty sure we're going to be diverging a bit next chapter but we'll see! Look forward to it!


End file.
